Topic: Mckenna research
May 22, 2019 / By Hatty Question:
My 5 month old son is breastfed and co-sleeps with me. He is getting up every two hours for feeding at night and cannot sleep on his own till he is breastfed.
Can anyone who co-slept with their baby tell me how long this will last? Also what is the best stage for transition from my bed to the crib?
Best Answers: Attachment Parenting?
Dorean | 9 days ago
My two year old is still up at least every two hours at night BUT MY 4 MONTH OLD CO-SLEEPING BREASTFEEDING BABY HAS SLEPT THROUGH (4-6 hours) SINCE HE WAS ABOUT A MONTH. (I'm yelling at the morons who say that you are waking your baby up *sigh*)
If you are truly attachment parenting then you follow your child's cues. *MOST* will transition to their own room between ages 2-6. MOST will stop night nursing/waking by ages 2-3. Some of course will stop much earlier, but they may start up again. My toddler actually slept in his crib for about a month when he was 8 months old -his choice. He stopped being able to fall asleep in our bed for some reason. I put him in the crib and walked away and he fell asleep. Of course then he came back ;-)
However nothing says you have to be at either end of the extremes. If you, at some point, want to transition your baby either a) out of your bed or b) out of your room then there are many no-cry methods what work depending on your temperament and your baby's. If you wanted to night wean there are even ways to do that whether your baby stays in bed with you or not.
I would also point out that regardless of where your infant sleeps once a toddler transitions to a bed they can escape from they invariably end up trying to sleep with mom and dad. I hear more complaints about it from families that never coslept. That could either be because the co-sleeping families still are, or are not bothered by the return to co-sleeping. Or it could be that securely attached toddlers are more content to sleep alone because they know their needs will be met and are met during the day.
Sleeping through the Night
The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.
A Natural Age of Weaning
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Originally Answered: For those who used attachment/positive parenting?
Well I can't say I used attachment parenting only but I certainly tend to lean that way as far as I don't believe punishment solves much and should be used very sparingly, should fit the crime and should have a lesson attached. I am definitely all about positive discipline.
I have used reward systems but mostly I focus on communication and prevention of unwanted behavior. I don't mean to boast but one of my best qualities as a parent is my ability to relate to or understand children and the reason they do the things they do. When you can do this, then you can predict their behavior and their thoughts and you can approach issues and situations in a way that will get the behavior you want beforehand. I've worked in the childcare field since I was in highschool and have taken courses in child development and child psychology.
What I mean is, I know my kids well, always have. If I knew telling them to clean up would cause them to react badly (which I could predict from knowing them and their personalities well) then I would approach it in a way that would get the reaction I wanted. I would be creative and maybe make it a game, or a competition to see who could clean up the most. I might offer a choice that would disguise the command to clean up as more of a desirable thing they get to choose from. I might say "do you want to put your trucks on the shelf or in the toy box?" Then they would be focused on making a choice and wouldn't not see it as a command since it would be worded as a question.
I have always used these types of creative techniques and therefore the need for any punishment has always been much less. I won't say I've never punished but my punishments usually have a lesson attached. One time my youngest was standing on the bus and the bus driver had to tell him twice to sit down. She told me about it when she dropped him off. That night I had a discussion with him about bus safety and why it's so important thathe sit on the bus and listen. I asked him "what do you think you should to to make the situation right again?" He said he should say sorry to her and not do it anymore. So I hd him write her an apology note saying he was sorry he stood up nd didn't listen and that it would not happen again...and it never did. I like to involved my kids that way so they learn to problem solve rather than me just saying you did the wrong thing your grounded. I don't think they learn from that.
So anyway while I don't see myself as having used attachment parenting, I definitely am a strong believer in positive discipline.
My kids are not grown but they are old enough for me to see that my parenting style is paying off. My twins are 15 and are honor students in high school who never get into trouble...never. They are respectful and kind and I get compliments from teachers all the time about their behavior and conscientious they are.
My middle son is turning 13 this month and is a straight A student and same thing compliments all the time about how caring and dedicated he is.
My youngest is 10 and the first comment on his report card which he got this week was "gets along great with peers, is kind and respectful." My youngest struggles in school as he has a learning disability but he is very well behaved and a great kid.
I read questions on here all the time from people stating what their child did wrong and asking "how do I punish this?" what they should be asking is "how do I change this behavior?" or "How do I teach my child a new way to behave" etc...
It all depends on the baby. Kids have a vast array of temperaments, and while one babe may be able to sleep alone from day one, others aren't comfortable in their own bed for years.
He should start eating less often soon. By about 9 months my son was down to 2 feeds per night; he didn't technically *need* those feeds, but I wasn't going to deny him. Now he's 16 months and nurses once per night.
I transitioned him to his crib at about 10 months, though I took things very slowly and he still spends the last 2 hours of the night in my bed.
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Mine is breastfed too. She also famously doesn't sleep well (until her 8th month when I moved her to her own room and she started sleeping at least 9-10 hours straight). Mine has been in a cot from Day 1 because I wanted her to get used to her own space even if I have to get up all groggy and sleepy to breastfeed every few hours. By now, you should already put her in her own cot - otherwise she might decide mom's bed is better and never leave! My pediatrician told me that at 6 months I should move her to her own room/nursery because babies are very sensitive to their mother's smell, sounds, etc. Think about it. Try moving her into her room soonish. It was hard the first week but once I started to get some quality deep sleep I woke up happier and played with her more.
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You really need to follow your baby's cues.
I still nurse our baby down at bedtime- and she is 19 months old. It only takes a few minutes. Well worth it since I don't see her most of the day during the day.
The best stage- when your baby is a bit older. Our son was ready to transition when he was 2.5 years. It really depends on the baby. Our baby does not have a crib since our older child never used his.
Good luck and go easy- it passes far too quickly!
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with attachment parenting, you really take your child's cue.
My husband and I co-slept with our son and I breastfed him for 12 months. He just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago and it was only a few months ago that we transitioned him to his own bed and own bedroom. (he never used the crib)The whole process really started when he was 18 months old and I was pregnant with twins.
As far as breastfeeding, you can go as long as you want to. As far as getting your baby out of your bed, it's really up to you and your circumstances. You just have to keep in mind that transitions do not take 1 day, or even a week or a month. You just go with your child. Sometimes you may move too fast, so you may have to back track a little bit.
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I'm also breastfeeding and co-sleeping with my 5 month old.
I am making no plans to 'shoo' her away from our bed, she likes it, I like it, her daddy likes it... we are all happy to carry on like this.
I would feel the best time to try to introduce their own bed would be when they have finished breastfeeding, and show signs that they want a bit of freedom.
I would *imagine* for us, that will be when she is about 3-4 years old.
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Hmm...it can last for a long time. For mine...they would want night comfort nursings until they were 1.5 or so. You can break the habit before then but if you are going child-led it could be weeks or months away...
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you have made a real rod for your own back,hes waking up because YOU are disturbing him when you are asleep.he should have been in a cot from day one.babies are too little to sleep with us,big ,sweaty adults.
my sister in law did what you are doing now "because its easier" she kept saying,and at 4 years old,she has just gone into a bed,but still gets in with her in the night.
babies need their own space to grow and stretch,and in your bed is not the way to do it.
i have bf all my babies,but moved them as soon as they were fed,and had them all sleeping through at about 5 months old.you need to start moving your son as soon as hes done feeding,and hopefully he will sleep through the night.
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Originally Answered: Can a formula feeding, full-time working, non-co-sleeping, mother still practice Attachment Parenting?
of course you do. even if you don't practice everything (there's also an anti-vax, anti-circ movement amongst the APers that not all agree with, it doesn't just have to do with sleeping and breast feeding!), if you still believe wholly in the idea of 'my baby needs me and I will respond to her needs at the drop of a hat,' then you're an attachment parent.
"Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well being. Less sensitive and emotionally available parenting or neglect of the child's needs may result in insecure forms of attachment style, which is a risk factor for many mental health problems. In extreme and rare conditions the child may not form an attachment at all and may suffer from reactive attachment disorder as defined in DSM-IV and ICD-10. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.
Although there is research which shows that when mothers are taught to increase their sensitivity to an infant's needs and signals, this increases the development of the child's attachment security, there are no conclusive empirical efficacy studies on Sears attachment parenting."
"Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:
Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life"
breast feeding, co-sleeping, and baby wearing aren't necessarily what makes an attachment parent. you could probably do all of those things and NOT believe in attachment parenting. but the things they list don't even mention staying at home and rocking your baby to sleep -- those aspects are just 'ingredients' to the whole theory, really. you can still believe in it without doing some of the parts involved.