Writing and editing help?
Topic: How to write a feedback form
May 22, 2019 / By Glenice Question:
Im working on a scene for a story and would appreciate any feedback. What I have written so far is very short.
What do you think about the scene in its entirety? Is there anything
I should add/take out to make the scene flow better? I want it to
catch the readers attention more? Does it catch yours? If not, any
suggestions? Please and Thank you ! Oh by the way does anyone have a list of words I can use other than "said" instead of saying "She
said" or "she replied" all the time. Im pretty limited when it comes
to thinking of others words to put there.
"Michael, what is it?" She asked noting the waver in his voice- a
cuase for alarm.
"Peyton I'm so sorry", she heard him murmur into the phone. A since
of dread immediately washed over her and without being aware of it
she reached out for the support of the office desk.
"It's David, isn't it? She asked barely able to push the words past
the growing constriction she felt in her throat.
"David was in an accident, Peyton", Michael stated, his words barely
audible through his grief.
"H- how bad is it?", She cried frantically, pleading for an answer
yet not sure if she was ready to hear it.
"He's been airlifted to the Emmanuel, Im headed your way. Im just now
passing the county line. Wait for me. Just wait, okay"?
"Okay" she replied, hands shaking as she hung of the phone.
Best Answers: Writing and editing help?
Desdemona | 10 days ago
1.) The word is spelled 'sense' as you use it, not 'since.'
*I realize typos may be at fault; seems you typed in a hurry.*
2.) The use of 'said' and 'replied' (or 'asked') is necessary for a ''smooth flow'' --keep that part simple and out of the way.
*It is highly recommended* you mostly use 'said' because the emphasis is then on what is said rather than on distracting words regarding how something is said.
*The dialog itself is more important.*
3.) Suggest you avoid passive-voice writing.
It is there in your first sentence because you combine a reaction with a statement.
An active-voice (as example only) of improvement here is:
" 'Michael, what is it?' she asked. She heard an alarming waver in his voice."
Wiki gives a very simple example of passive and active-voice differences as follows:
Passive: "The cheese was eaten by the mouse."
Active: "The mouse ate the cheese."
Passive-voice uses unneeded words, too many adverbs, too many prepositional phrase and too many passive verb forms.
As it is, since you ask, I wouldn't read much more as it is now.
*However, I think you can improve this greatly in revisions.*
Remember all good writers do several revisions of their work.
4.) A look at complete work, often considered 'finished,' by an educated mentor (family, teacher, librarian, friend) will usually show even seasoned authors overlook errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, consistency, and more.
It is good to have a mentor read work before you DO call it 'finished.'
Best of luck writing.
It's fun; a good thing to do: all the phases of steps necessary for a good product.
👍 128 | 👎 10
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Originally Answered: Difference between editing and re-writing?
Rewriting means starting it over from scratch.
Editing means reading a finished text and changing a couple things.
With my novel, I wrote it out then YEARS later rewrote it (which you don't have to do! I actually don't suggest rewriting it as a whole, but maybe parts of it if you find any parts awkward or lacking in flow), and then edited it.
Here is a quick pattern to revising:
--Write whole book.
--ASAP: read it over and edit it some, fixing grammar and flow and adding details that are important to the story
--Two weeks later: read it from beginning to end and edit it again
--Two-three weeks later: repeat the above
Ideally, I have been told by a literary agent to wait two months before revising, but if you're in a hurry, just go for it!
You will need to do tons of revising after you get an agent/publisher anyways, so once you think it's pretty good, start querying. A lot of agents don't even want to see your story with the first query letter—they just want a summary and some background information. Check out AgentQuery.com for more details!
I loved it! I think you could add a little more description and not just jump in to the real thing. Make the reader have suspense like Michael and her could start talking about David's character. I couldn't get close and have grief for David because there was no description. Maybe have her visualize the scene and something dramatic happen to her! It definitely catches my attention!
👍 40 | 👎 1
it's very good. like a real book. weel you can substitute reply or said for answered or told him, , utter, spoke.
let's see . um. peyton sounded very nervous but michael sounded okay. you should make david stammer or like .... efore he said david in an accident. it was sorta bland and that;s the imporant part.
👍 31 | 👎 -8
in reality, I don't say someone's name every time i speak to them. needs to be edited. dotn wanna go into details, so edit it. but good concept
👍 22 | 👎 -17
Originally Answered: Need serious writers for feedback on my writing and help with editing?
You can try:
fictionpress.com (fanfiction.net is it's a fanfic)
> There are beta-readers here who can help you edit. (I'm one of them)
> You can put your story into categories
> Put a good summary, it will be read + review (reviews are the feedbacks)
> You won't get paid
> No beta-readers sorry
> You can put your story under literature
> You can put a good summary under description
> You can get reviews too
> There will be chance that someone would buy your stuff and get paid (but this very very rare)
Hope it helps...