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How would you feel if your spouse left?

How would you feel if your spouse left? Topic: All around great personal statements
July 19, 2019 / By Genevieve
Question: If you were married for 5+ years you came home from 16 months in Iraq so you could get the hazardous duty and hardhip pay to pay off debts and build a better life/start a family, but instead your spouse spent the money while you were gone, and when you got back they told you they didn't love you as a spouse should, there's nothing wrong with you, you're a great person, but you don't make them happy, and they packed to leave... What would you think, say, feel as this happened and they apologized for hurting you? I flew her out to Germany at the half-way point so we could have time together, and she brought her mom (on my dime). That was my deployment-I'm out, and in a stable job in the states. There's no waiting around to be done... Background: I can't sue to get the money back because it was taken from our joint account. She took her parents out to eat ALL the time and blew through hundreds each month on that alone. The money is gone... on the bright side, I have a good job that pays well, so once I'm not paying for her expenses, and our house is sold, I'll be able to put money aside for a new house and the future. Unfortunately, she'll be getting a chunk from the sale of the house... but I don't want her left with nothing because I'm not cruel like that... the situation just sucks is all. She told me it wasn't my deploying. She said she felt that way a long time, but stayed to keep from hurting me. I told her I didn't understand, and she said I never would be able to... Thanks guy, I get it... and it makes a sort of general sense, but I won't/ can't believe that it will be like that all the time... Thanks Chaz, that's kinda funny in an ironic/twisted sort of way, and I needed that. Seriously though, I would love someone that dedicated to me...
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Best Answers: How would you feel if your spouse left?

Deja Deja | 9 days ago
Couple things before I get to my main point: First and foremost; Thank you for your service, you deserve infinitely more than the stolen hazard pay. I refuse to make personal attacks on GuyTheTerrible; though the temptation is near overwhelming. The generalization that women are incapable of making the ultimate sacrifice for a male a partner is terrible. And to consider yourself expendable in a womans' eyes doesn't speak highly of what you think of us. Your analogy speaks of what had been our gender roles in the neolithic age and third world countries. Evolution is a beautiful thing, ain't it? Okay, Onto my point. You're right to feel the hurt. Entitled to disappointment. You former spouse is.. I can't begin to explain it. Her behavior confuses me, greatly, and I am aghast at her behavior while you were gone. I'd gather up every receipt and bank statement I could lay my hands on, and pursue every avenue of claiming back what you could. That sort of mismanagement and greed is nothing short of a violation of trust. I am glad, though, that you're in a position where you CAN move on so easily, financially, anyway. I'd always been told that the best revenge is living well; I think you should adhere to that. I know your question wasn't one of vengeance, but I think casting her aside ASAP would be your best bet. I wouldn't allow yourself to dwell on it. My interpretations of what transpired are just as she said; It wasn't you- she was just 'bored'. I must also point out, tragically, that the thing you would 'never be able to understand'. Likely meant there was someone else in her thoughts.
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Deja Originally Answered: Feel like I'm being left behind?
It´s hard especially when you´re a shy guy, but you´re still very young, your path is not going to be like the other ones, my best friend got married having a few years to spare and I didn´t understand why she did, even in the church and everything, I´ve known her for 15 years and we were very rebellious so I hated it and was annoyed but now I think like who cares, I don´t even call her anymore, I don´t care that all my school friends have this marriage life and important jobs and I don´t, I´m always gonna be an outsider even if I try to become an organized girl, I will enjoy my freedom, because a lot of people get "tied down" at an early age and some regret it, but they wont tell you that, just ask my boyfriend, he met his high school buddies after not seeing them and they talked very confident about their "glorious lives", it took a lot of beers when his high school buddies finally told him that he shouldnt get married, that they hated their lives and they had to support their kids and had no freedom!!! So before you think you´re late just remember you´re young, I didnt have a boyfriend until I was 23 and everyone thought I was lesbian before that time, and I´m very pretty, not kidding, but super shy... Don´t worry about that stuff, you might have to go get a hobby, whatver you like so that you might meet people there, or go to cool bars where people are chill or rock places or stuff like that..or maybe focus on finishing the career and then comes the next "institution" where you will meet new people, like job or graduate school, if you are gonna continue with school , it is nice because school is cool, it´s nicer than job for me, I have to go back....a lot of people I knew also got pregnant at 20, like 6 girls and quit school, so decide to do things based on wanting them, not about feeling left out...never! Sorry if I wrote too much....

Brook Brook
WOw.. talk about heart wrenching.. Being away from home is hard on the family and she just couldn't handle it. People in general these days have no patience and honor.. they seek instant gratification and have no idea what wedding vows mean. I am not saying that's everyone, but I am constantly reading about people who are so bent on having money, being important and getting everything they think they deserve and if not.. oh well, no to the next sucker. ok, maybe I'm speaking about certain types of woman.. I am sorry you have to go through this! I don't know what to tell you because it seems like you've got it figured out. I guess you asked how we'd feel?.. probably devastated! I'd feel crushed, and confused, mostly angry because it would make me feel like all my hard work was just a waste of time, I'd feel completely scammed. I would almost feel completely lost , i wouldn't be able to understand how someone could be so inconsiderate and selfish. I am a nice person and try to surround myself with nice people, so to have my own spouse turn and do something like that would be a huge blow. I hope you continue to think positive and keep moving forward :)
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Alisya Alisya
Thanks very much for your service. Every so often I post this. Sometimes I get hate mail, sometimes praise. In any case, here's a little story..... Man, woman and child are walking down a trail. Tiger attacks. What happens? The man sacrifices his life to stall the tiger while the woman grabs the child and runs for safety. Another story; one village attacks another and wins. What happens? The men fight to the death while the woman and children try to get away. Let’s say the attacking men win. What happens? They kill all the defending men and cart off the women and maybe the children. A month later, while they’re loyal husbands are rotting in their graves, where are the women? Sitting cooking and chatting with their new friends, the women of their new village, and making babies with their new husbands. My points are; There is no circumstance under which a woman will knowingly sacrifice herself for you. They can get over you and move on in a heart beat. Men are evolved to sacrifice themselves for women, children or tribe. Women are evolved to only make great sacrifice for themselves and children. You are an expendable tool. You are there to serve their purpose and you can be replaced. I know all your lives you’ve been told that men don’t commit or feel as deeply, but as you now know the opposite is the case. Isn’t that the way it always is? ....Many people won't get this, but I'm guessing you will. This one you shacked up with was particularly narcicistic. It's good that you found out now rather than 10 years from now. All you can do is put a bandage on the wound and be more careful next time. There's nothing else you can do.
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Uri Uri
You're probably going to experience a transition through some stages, right now you may just be in shock, then you'll maybe have a mix of emotions like anger, grief, sadness,etc. or maybe the previous distance will help you cope with her departure. People often say "get over it" like its a button you can just press and move on. Evidently its not, so maybe you should take it easy and grief the relationship, the dreams you had with her for the future, your expectations and then, when you're ready, start making new plans for your life. I am aware this happens a lot, but its sad anyway. Sorry about the news.
👍 94 | 👎 -18

Robin Robin
I would be taking that sorry azz to court to get that hazardous duty pay and hardship pay, for sure. I would be getting that money paid back to me, somehow! You can bring it up in court, it sure won't look good for the person who did that, and a judge will probably sympathize with you enough to even make that person pay you back. Then I would probably help them pack but only their clothes and I would keep EVERYTHING. A person this flighty and unreliable sounds like someone who's going to come crawling back to you when the money runs out. Be prepared for that, just in case.
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Micha Micha
I have seen it that way and the opposite as well. The worst I saw was this: The wife is missing her husband and can't wait until he gets home. She plans a great vacation for when he gets back and uses the money he earns to pay off all of the debt they had accrued and puts a down payment on a new Mustang because that is his favorite car. He gets home and tells her that he has been screwing one of his female soldiers and they are getting married. It happens all of the time.
👍 78 | 👎 -36

Joyce Joyce
she seems like a self absorbed person... spending the money that you worked so hard.... or should i say put you life on the line not only for her but for you country is disgusting.... i dont know where you are from but in England I would of hit the roof... I would sue her and i would let her go packing! shell soon be running back with out any one to love her or any money and that will larn her
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Harland Harland
I would be very devastated. I would try to talk to my spouse and try to get counseling if they agreed to it. However, you can't make a person love you. It takes two to make a marriage, but only one to break it. The fact that the spouse spent the money and told you there's nothing wrong with you and you're a great person tells me they are cold and callous, not to mention very selfish. You're better off without them.
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Harland Originally Answered: I feel a little left behind.?
It is never too early to start saving, in fact ‘retirement is one of the greatest cons of all time. What you really want, what everyone really wants is Financial Independence. Someone has set up a standard game plan for everyone. It basically goes as follows: Age 0-5: Baby – Grow Up Age 6-17: Child – Go to School Age 18-21: Student – Go to College Age 22-65: Adult – Work Age 65+: Senior Citizen – Retire and Die Retirement usually means that we are no longer dependent on work for our income and daily living needs. Our income is independent from our occupation. So what you really want is ‘Financial Independence’ much earlier than scheduled for us in the standard game plan. In fact maybe the game plan we really want is more like: Age 0-5: Baby – Grow Up Age 6-17: Child – Go to School Age 18-21: Student – Go to College Age 22-39: Adult – Work towards Financial Independence Age 40+: Financially Independent – Enjoy Life So now that we have a goal of Financial Independence, we need to set a timescale to reach that by and a means of reaching that goal. In this context we are generally talking about a savings and investment plan that will give us a sufficient amount of money to live off for the rest of our lives. We will need to equip ourselves with the necessary knowledge and tools to make this work now. To be successful we will need patience, discipline, and wisdom. But most importantly we need a plan. It may prove expensive to acquire that much needed wisdom on our own. Learn by other peoples mistakes. Learn from other peoples successes. Read some books. Visit our local book store and find books that we like and feel comfortable with. Some of the titles I have on my bookshelf include: One Up on Wall Street by Peter Lynch How to make money in Stocks by William J. O’Neil (Founder of Investor’s Business Daily) The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J Stanley and William D Danco Check out web sites like fool.com and yahoo finance. Investigate trading strategies with a proven track record over 3, 5, 10, and 15 years. Pick something that we understand, find easy to use and will help us realise our goals. Pick a strategy where we can take responsibility for your investments and be in full control of our capital. Systems like the Stocks Monthly system (which has generated an average return of 49%p.a. over the past 15 years) are definitely worth investigating once we are up to speed with the nuts and bolts of investing.

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