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Critique on my story?

Critique on my story? Topic: How to write a critical review
May 20, 2019 / By Elizabeth
Question: I've posted a story on wattpad, of course as any new writer I'm not very big. But I'm not doing this for reads, as my title says it's for critique. I'm not sure how my writing is, so I'm asking for your opinion. Please no dumb comments, this is for critical reviewing, not frivolous comments. Here's the link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/11602640-mental-status You can comment on the story or on here, your choice. :) Any suggestive changes and alterations for the story welcomed. ♥
Best Answer

Best Answers: Critique on my story?

Chris Chris | 4 days ago
You need to do a lot of work. The trouble with wattpad and this site is there are a lot of inexperienced writer's on here that no about a much about writing as you do. They go round giving bad advice and saying your work is great when it's just average. They don't know any better so it's not their fault. Wattpad is known for poor writers and writing as much as it's known for fanfiction. Your work is average and nothing special. If you want it to stand out and at least be readable to anyone over the age if 18 years, you have some serious learning to do.
👍 156 | 👎 4
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Chris Originally Answered: Teens who are writing a story, and who want critiques, click here! I made a story critique website?
Interesting, but I don't think I would use it. Your work could be plagiarized and anything that is posted on the Internet will not be accepted by publishers (again, cautiousness about plagiarism). Maybe adding a mandatory spell check would help. To improve the site you could have the works submitted separated by genre and you could have a separate section for poetry. You need more, different genre options beside fantasy and pulp fiction. How about Historical fiction and Sci-fi? You could have a Featured Writer of the Month program, where an especially good writer gets his or hers work featured on the front page. You might want to make sure that Chat forums stay in the Chat section and don't get mixed in with the story sections of the forum. If you can make it so people can't cut and paste material off the website, you might want to do that. It won't eliminate plagarism if people really want a specific work but it will make it harder to do. At this current time you can "take" work off the website, as you can see, (this work is from the website, link is below), "We approach an old, beat-down stucco home. It loks like it was whipped with a billion little Jenga sticks. I look at Jonah, who strides out the door as he pays the cabbie." http://www.freewebs.com/teenwritingcriti... Interesting idea, have fun!

Aubrie Aubrie
I thought the story idea is really good and so far it is well written besides verb tenses, like one of the other answers said. One criticism I have, is I cannot really imagine the setting at all. You did a fantastic job explaining Luna's situation and making me understand all the terrible things the mother did, but I don't see anything around them for the setting. So maybe you could add more description for the setting. Other than that, you are very good at writing. I followed you on wattpad by the way! So I'm waiting for more chapters.
👍 60 | 👎 -5

Abaigeal Abaigeal
I followed the link and read your story. Wow. You are a really good writer, and the story was really good. I hope to be a writer someday, and your story was great!
👍 57 | 👎 -14

Spike Spike
You're a fantastic writer! The storyline is really different than any others I have ever read. I was so disappointed when I finished it- can you PLEASE write more? <3 I really want to find out what happened to Luna!
👍 54 | 👎 -23

Spike Originally Answered: Please critique my story so far?
When people ask me to critique, I'll probably pick out every flaw. So be prepared: First, I'm not really sure if the main character is a boy or a girl. I guess that's somewhat important to the readers. Secondly, how long must the protagonist be staring at that person to know all those features about him? You can put a lot of description there: what was the subway like? Where did the protagonist come from or where are they going? You have some grammar errors and lack of punctuation in some parts. The beginning is really choppy. For instance: He seemed tall. He was Korean? Short sentences are usually a lot more favourable during action scenes. In describing scenes. it's always best to have long sentences jam-packed with description. You can also put in some literary devices, 'cause all I see is raw info at the moment. "People cross paths with you as you move along". They can still cross paths with you if you're not moving at all... Other than that, I enjoyed it. The ending was well-played.

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