SO JEALOUS! Did any of you TTCers go through this?
Topic: How to write application for leave in school
May 25, 2019 / By Deni Question:
Okay, so my husband and I hae been married for 2 years now, and have been ttc for alittle over a year. We cant seem to get pregnant, and though we've seen atleast 5 specialists, no one can seem to figure out why.. After both of us went through ALL of the standard testing twice, my doc started me on Clomid 150 mg. I had seriously lost hope until clomid came along, then after starting Clomid was very hopeful and excited that I might actually conceive. My best friend, who is married and has a child, has been there while Ive gone through all this. When I started the clomid, I was so excited, and told her all about it. She has been having marital problems and I guess decided a child would help solve her marital problems (her son is from a different relationship) and quit taking her birth control. When she told me this I was sort of annoyed, but didnt let her know... Anyway, here it is 5 weeks later and boom! she pregnant! Not only is she pregnant but she made it a point to call me 18 times completely excited and bragging the whole time! She asked me to throw her a baby shower and wants me to go maternity clothes shopping with her... I am soooo frustrated right now!
She is my best friend, and I know I should be happy for her, but Im not... I mean she is a great person, but the circumstances for a child couldnt be worse.. Her marriage is falling apart, shes unemployed, low on money, and she doesn't treat the son she has the way a mother should.. She always angry with him, and he's only 4.. Plus, they live in a one bedroom apartment and their four year old sleeps on the couch.
Im angry that all she has to do is stop taking her bc to conceive, and for all the wrong reasons! My husband and I have a great marriage, a wonderful living situation, can provide physically, emotionally, and financially for a child, but no matter what we do we cant get pregnant! Its just not fair at all!
To top it off, the Clomid is not working for me like it should, and I feel like she is just rubbing it in my face every chance she gets, when she didn't even want another child, ever, until 5 weeks ago! I feel completely betrayed, and Im so jealous and angry with her! Has anyone else gone through this, or is it just me? I feel like a bad person, but I cannot help the way I feel! How do I face her? How can I get past this?
ty all for your understanding and support!
I have been on clomid x2 months, at the highest dose of 150 mg, but I still am not ovulating. My doctor tells me the next step is exploratory surgery.
Best Answers: SO JEALOUS! Did any of you TTCers go through this?
Caleigh | 2 days ago
Your "best" friend is being very cruel to you.
You have strong feelings about this, as well you should. Trying to conceive without success carries the same rate of depression as people diagnosed with terminal illnesses (really.) She is very wrong to expect you to dance in her debacle.
I would encourage you to write a very careful and clear letter to her. Remind her that you value the friendship you share, but that you are deeply hurt by her actions and wished that she would have considered more than her own feelings before getting pregnant. Remind her that you have been trying for a long time and you feel that her attempts to include you in her joy leave you feeling empty, jealous, left out, angry, and betrayed.
Explain to her that right now you could use a lot more support from your friend and being asked you provide yours to her instead feels beyond what you are capable of.
Finish the letter and be as diplomatic as possible, though you are hurting, remember your friend is A) pregnant and probably sensitive, and B) probably very frightened about the real stress this baby is going to put on her finances and marriage (if she has any intelligence.)
Wait 24 hours and re-read the letter to see if you still agree with what it contains. If you do, send it to her. It will represent you and your true feelings better than you will be able to do in person.
My next advice to you is wait. My aunt and uncle were on their third round of chlomid, feeling lost and hopeless. They started to fill out adoption applications when they discovered that they were pregnant. Shortly thereafter they got pregnant again. Now they have two very well educated, loved and high-school graduates, one at a University and the other preparing to attend a University.
My husband and I spend 9 months trying to conceive and the specialists could find nothing wrong with us. Meanwhile, three women in my office became pregnant. Every time my period came, I would have to leave the office. I could not hold myself together seeing their growing bodies and feeling like mine had failed me again. Finally it was my turn! It can and will happen to you too. I know many people that go through years of treatment and never know why, since nothing is wrong.
I do know how very hard this can be. I will say a prayer for you that your family will take hold inside you and that it will happen sooner rather than later. May you not be one of those couples that tries for years, and may your next-time around be 100% easier!
Your friend is being very selfish and dismissive with your feelings. If you mean to preserve the friendship, you absolutely must tell her how you feel.
Best of luck, in all you seek to accomplish.
👍 92 | 👎 2
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Originally Answered: What to do about my very jealous cat?
Dharma is not a cat who should be in a household with other cats. Like dogs, not every cat is good with other animals. The second mistake you made was getting another female cat, not once, but twice. Males get along best with another female, but females with females who have not grown up together tend to fight more. Dharma is more shy and needs someone who is going to be kind, gentle, patient, quiet and accept her the way she is. If you are going to rehome her, find a loving home with no other pets in it. She will not have much chance at adoption in a shelter due to the high euthanasia rate, pet overpopulation, and her shy nature. Another thing I should mention is that Dharma does not HATE your cat or you. Cats do not hate. There is a heirarchy system among cats. Cats must figure out who is dominant, like dogs. If you interfere, such as throw Dharma off the bed or chair or windowsill so the kitten can climb up, or pet Dharma then suddenly stop and pet the other pushy kitten when she pushes her way into the middle, you are creating problems. Start feeding Dharma first as well. The kitten also must be spayed now. She is 4 months already, and her hormones are another thing which is making her more rowdy and pushy and she will fight more with Dharma because of it. Spaying her now will ease most of the tension between the two cats. Also, she'll be going into heat very soon, and trust me, you don't want to deal with a cat who screams and yowls all night, rolls around disgustingly almost in pain, pees on your blankets and everywhere else and leaves blood spots on your bed. Once she goes into heat it's a neverending cycle, and it is riskier to spay her then. Do it now. Both must be spayed. You also have to understand that this is a big change for Dharma, too. It's a huge adjustment for her. Imagine suddenly some strange female suddenly is living in your place, sleeping in your room, in your bed, eating your food, picking on you, harrassing you, and getting all the praise and love and attention from your parents and everyone else. Imagine your mom saying everyone loves this other girl, that no one else loves you but her. And because you feel resentful, upset, hurt and angry and stressed, suddenly no one wants you around, they want you to leave so the nice bitchy new girl can move into your place and take your spot, as though you never existed. Yet you had lived there all your life. And these were your parents who no longer wanted you. Don't do that to Dharma. And don't think of her in terms of "Creep" or nasty names or as a nasty cat. You don't understand her and are judging her unfairly from a human perspective without opening your heart and making an effort to understand how she is feeling and why things are rough right now with her and you and the new kitten. Cats are not disposable. Do what you have to in order to make life peaceable between everyone. If Dharma does not want you to touch her right now, then leave her alone and give her some space. You may also want to put Dharma in your bedroom with the door shut and her food and water and litterbox during the day or at night, so she gets a break from the rambunctious kitten. All cats need their space. They also need enough spots so they don't have to fight over a favorite spot to lay. One bed is not enough. Put towels or blankets on bins, get a couple cheap plastic chairs and put towels on them, two separate litterboxes, separate food bowls, etc.
Spay all of your cats.
You are not a bad person at all do not think that. When you are struggling to get your BFP it is very distressing to see everyone around you be pregnant. It is only natural to feel like that. You should talk to your friend. Tell her you are happy for her, but you would appreciate it if she would be more sensitive to your situation. Tell her you cannot throw her shower unless you are pregnant too because it is just to hard. If she is a real friend she should understand how you feel.
How long have you been on Clomid? I was on Clomid 2x and got a BFN. When my OB added estrogen to the mix (to beef up the CM) I got my positive. Also, you shouldn't be on it more than 4-5 months. Its antiestrogen effects thin your uterine lining making it even more difficult to get pregnant. If you have been on it for 4-5 months, ask your Dr about moving you up to injectable meds.They are more potent.
I am sorry you are going through this, I really hope you get your BFP soon. After I lost Maddy I hated every pregnant woman. I could not be around them at all. The worst is when I saw a pregnant lady at walmart smoking a cig. I wanted to scream.
👍 30 | 👎 -7
Oh dear! You have every right to feel the way you do about this. But try to remember that while she is being very insensitive to you right now, it is your best friend and presumably there is a lot of history there. Your best bet is try to take the high road and when things calm down a bit you and her grab a bite to eat and you share with her that you felt a bit hurt by her actions. You don't need to remind her that she didn't want another child. All that changes when you find out your pregnant so that will not mean much to her and it could just get the conversation going in a pissy direction.
Better to tell her in a few weeks how you feel and ask her to please keep that in mind as she is going through this exciting period of her life.
👍 29 | 👎 -16
Well I have a similar situation. THE DAY after my husband and I started ttc I found out that my best friend is pregnant. Her pregnancy was kind of an "accident" but they were very excited in the beginning and now here we are 4 months later no pregnancy for me and she is started to realize that this is going to be a huge burden on their already stressful lives.
We aren't telling anyone that we are trying to get pregnant and she calls me and tell me how frustrated she is that she got pregnant and whatever I do, WAIT. It angers me a lot to see someone have what I want and NOT be happy about it.
But for me, this is where my faith steps in and I am reminded that Gods plan is much greater than my own. That his timing is perfect and I have nothing to worry about because it is all in his hands!
👍 28 | 👎 -25
I understand what you are going through, because I am in the same boat. we are trying to conceive every since I got married (2 years). And finally I got pregnant last year nov but I miscarried and my sister in law, on purpose informed us that she is pregnant the same day. I went through DNC and ttc again since then and now she already has a month old son and I am still there. On top of that in my office five ladies are pregnant and two of them never wanted it. This makes me very frustrated and jealous of them all. They are always bragging about their pregnancy experiences like how it feels when baby kicks and stuff like that. It’s almost every day that I cry. But I guess its not in our hands and the worst part is that my sexual desires has also gone dawn don’t feel like doing it any more. Every time my husband tries to touch me, I am like “stay away from me, don’t touch” which is also ruining our relationship. It’s so wired some people, who don’t want it, get it in just one night stand and for some it takes forever.
👍 27 | 👎 -34
Originally Answered: Is my ex trying to make me jealous?
totes hes obviously trying to make you jealous, either he is making up the girl or she is real and he is flaunting it in your face... in which case he is using her