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LGBT: Would you care to read "the moment" of my day?

LGBT: Would you care to read "the moment" of my day? Topic: Skills for writing to describe
June 26, 2019 / By Bertie
Question: Written with complete honesty :) I was absolutely fascinated by a girl I met today.. *Note: names have been changed! "...Her eyes were perfectly shaped with black lashes. Her skin had a soft, smooth radiance. Her teeth, straight. Her jaw-line even eluded me… the way it had a gentle feminine contour. My eyes couldn’t help but wander across the surface of her glowing visage. She captivated me like no other at first meet. I couldn’t brush away the intuitive knowledge that she was Filipino and had an American accent… the way she acted and the way she was so joyous engrossed my attention – just like the way my best friend did in high school... Anne. I wanted her to notice me. I needed to charm her. I noted that she sported black pants, jacket and bag – all plain, solid and simple in design… it made me curious to what kind of person she was since she was obviously not superficial. My mind was on her all that time she was present although I pretended to have my thoughts switching from conversational topic to conversational topic like my friends and herself. When her focus was directed out the window or at my friend next to me, my eyes were fixed to hers… studying what they would give away. At the back of my mind, I was looking for that same look in her eyes as Anne… but I didn’t find even a hint. I remember her eyes had a blue-grey ring around the black wells that were her eyes, but Kate had a silky midnight in hers that weren’t as harsh as Anne’s. I noted that she was slightly animated and easily excited like Anne and I felt comfortable to show her that my mannerisms were the same.She paid no attention to me what so ever at first but by the end of the train ride I hoped to have her somewhat interested in my character..." Oh sorry, I wasn't focused so much on actual literary correctness. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I don't plan on publishing this as a book! Yeahhh this isn't a story I'm writing. It's from my f*cking journal *rolls eyes*. 'Bunneh': I'll take what you said as a compliment since you obviously thought my journal entry was a novel-peice. Although it does not change the fact that you sir, are a grade-A prick. As 'May contain traces...' suggested, maybe you could brush up on your reading skills. Thank you 'May contain traces...' :]
Best Answer

Best Answers: LGBT: Would you care to read "the moment" of my day?

Affton Affton | 2 days ago
I found that really interesting =) You obviously have a good talent for writing cos i couldnt have described a time in my life that well. You should get to know this girl. Bunneh, this isn't a read and review website, so i doubt anyone really gives a crap about your snobby opinion. For someone who acts as if they have such a great knowledge of literature you seem to not be able to read very well it does clearly say that this isn't a story, rather a description of real life events. God, some people really piss me off.
👍 272 | 👎 2
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We found more questions related to the topic: Skills for writing to describe


Affton Originally Answered: LGBT:Do colleges really care about this?
Usually the higher competitive schools think about it, but if your grades are good and you have no records or anything, it probably shouldn't matter. If it does matter, then screw them. e.e
Affton Originally Answered: LGBT:Do colleges really care about this?
They mostly only care about that sort of thing in very competitive schools where there are very few spots and many, many applicants. Your extra-curricular activities would distinguish you from the other applicants who have similar grades and test scores to you.

Thornton Thornton
I loved reading the moment of your life. You made my heart jump. I hope you got her number. I wish at least that for you. You are a fantastic writer. You could make a career with your words. They flow so beautifully.
👍 120 | 👎 -6

Quinlan Quinlan
Learn to punctuate. Specifically, stop raping the poor ellipses! Finally, don't quit your day job. The characters are uninteresting and I find myself having to ask, "Why do I care about this girl and her problems?" Overall, the story is boring, the characters are generic, and the grammar and structure was terrible. Re-write before you consider putting this anywhere near an editor, unless you want the editor to laugh themselves to death.
👍 119 | 👎 -14

Quinlan Originally Answered: Will you care to read and rate my poem out of 10?
wow! That's scary! and very true in some cases... Have you seen Sin City? your poem reminded me of that film... I love the imagery "It will eat you up and flush you right down the can". I find that line sort of humorous which contrasts a bit with the poem as the poem is very dark and depressing but it also adds to that dark mood. "in a river covered in a sack"- that's just really scary! lol "I’m not lying just you wait and see" - that line is humorous as well. I love the way that poem is written! you can portray the situation and the city really well and you say how horrible it is but at the same time, it's not a sad poem. It's more like a warning isn't it? stay away or you're dead! haha Good one! =D 9.9/10 (because "distance" and "crying" don't really rhyme...)

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