Originally Answered: I have Aspergers Syndrome, No friends And So Many Burdens. I want to kill myself?
Aww, hon. It's perfectly fine to wait for kids until you are emotionally healthy.
Nobody MAKES anybody mad, you know. He chooses to handle things he doesn't approve of with anger, and his anger is not your fault. There are people in this world who would not get angry over the things he is angry about, no matter how bad they are. He's using his anger to try and control the world, which damages you AND damages him also.
Can you improve how you handle life? Yes. Everyone is always growing and nobody is ever ahead of where they are now.
Even your husband has some areas where he seriously needs to grow, right? So does your family, if they've been so foolish as to repeatedly tell you something so awful and one-sided. So what if you're different from them! It's a good thing not to be like someone who says cruel words that cut the heart.
Choose one thing you to change in your life ... secretly. Find an online group with other people who are working on it, too. Maybe writing books, crafts, exercise, style, cleaning, or health. Start doing a lot of research about all the different ways you might move forward in that area. Think about which ones suit you best. Try different things, and if one idea doesn't work, try another. Call it Life Research.
You have the rest of your life to sample new habits and try new activities, and some of what you try will become a long-term part of your life. Don't let other people tell you who you are. They are wrong to do so. You are an intricate, amazing person with all sorts of skills and character traits that you haven't even begun to explore, and the people around you have done the worst thing possible by telling you lies and preventing you from moving forward in the process of discovery. The nice thing is, you can just go ahead and move forward without their permission.
They don't own you. They didn't design you. And they can't prevent you from finding out what you are capable of. Only you can prevent it by giving up. What you do not try will never succeed. :) What you do try may fail, but you can learn and grow even through failure.
Make food YOU will like. Your husband will just have to live with it, and at least you'll be cooking.
Stop quoting people who don't care about you. They are wrong because they don't care enough to know you and look for the best in you.
Since you believe in God, remember that a whole lot of people have been damaging his reputation for years, so stop thinking of him as some uncaring being who sometimes does what we ask if we're just nice enough to manipulate him into doing it.
He keeps everyone alive and gives good things even to the people who act hatefully, and allows bad things to happen to really nice people, too. Everything is useful for growth, both good and bad, you know? Seeds take root in decomposed death (the ground) to create new life. Water, warmth, and light come as they will ... and the seed breaks apart before it grows and never realizes what it will become.
HE says that you are beautiful and that he designed you way back at the beginning of time just so you could live now, he even prepared a special life for you if you're willing to discover it. God knows everything about you, all the way down to your cell structure and mental waves, and he loves you exactly as you are. He also helps you find your way forward, like a seed that grows into an amazing tree or flower.
See if you can find a mentor or a counselor to help and encourage you along the way. Call suicide hotlines when death is on your mind. It really helps to talk to someone, and that is what they are there for.
I hope you find out what type of flower you are over the next few years. I bet it's going to be amazing!