Originally Answered: I'm suicidal, my heart is broken and I feel sick from it?
Hey, I really feel for you. I went through the exact same thing when I was 22. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 3 years but knew each other for 5 years. When he broke up with me I didn't see it coming at all. I didn't believe him at first. Once I noticed he was no longer looking into my eyes or saying "I love you" back to me, I started to really realize it was real.
I was miserable. I cried for what seemed like an eternity. I wanted to be around him again and smell him and cuddle him. All the things you are feeling. The thing I realized though, once my heart break started to let up a little bit ...was he wasn't worth it. I realized that I was in love with him, but he never was since it was so easy for him to leave me for another girl. I found out he cheated on me during our relationship. He admitted to one time, but I have a feeling it was more then that.
What you should do is write all his flaws on a piece of paper...I realized what a moron he was after I did this (he did drugs, he once pushed me so hard my neck cracked, he cheated on me, he always picked fights with people in the street, his dad called me ugly, he kept breaking my heart). I then realized that my whole life wasn't based on this man's opinion of me. I am a beautiful person and if he couldn't see it, it's his loss!
I'm 30 now, and I am happily married to the most wonderful man I have ever met (and I am not just saying that), the way he looks at me is so genuine and he cares about me, he makes me laugh all the time, he cries when he thinks of when we first met, he is always there, he is far beyond anyone I would have even dreamed to be with. We have a little family now as well :)
This is what a true boyfriend is, and this was never my ex. I was just his booty call or a shoulder to cry on....or whatever the heck I was I don't even know.
You need to stop blaming yourself for his wrongs. He is the one who messed up, not you. Don't wish for another chance with him, he will only hurt you again and again. True love knows know bounds. I know you are hurting, but this is your body's way of trying to tell you that he is wrong. He is hurting you so badly, why. You deserve someone so much better. You're whole life is ahead of you.
For now I would focus on healing. I got over my ex after about 2 years, and I became a much better person for it. Whenever I see my ex now I can't believe I was even with him. Stay strong, you are beautiful :) I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be so happy you got through this. There is someone out there waiting for you, and this guy would punch your ex in the face. Keep strong and realize what a jerk your ex is. You have a lot of love to give, but please don't give it to him. He crushes it. Don't give him anything. Block him out of your life. Make him realize what he lost by not talking to him.