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What do you think about this?Honest answers please?

What do you think about this?Honest answers please? Topic: How to write amazing love letters
July 20, 2019 / By Kassidy
Question: I've started querying agents and here is my query letter. Please let me know on improvements I need to make to it. Thank you. Dear Mr. Lee Mary Jones is trying to run from her past – one that could destroy her future. Why? Because the heroine of my novel, Rebel's Prey, is forced to become a child soldier in the jungles of a fictitious Nimu. Set in current day Africa, Rebel's Prey as a 70,000 word action/adventure dealing with the serious real life problem of children being abducted by rebel armies and forced into lives of crime. Mary Jones, along with her two best friends, is abducted by a notorious rebel group, the Vultures. She goes from being loved by her family, to becoming a sex slave to a man old enough to be her father, to giving birth to a baby who is taken away from her at birth. She is suddenly separated from her friends, leaving Nataja alone in the darkness of Hell. She learns to fend for herself and becomes what is required of her: EVIL. After a friend's death, Nataja decides enough is enough. Now that she is in this alone, she will risk her life to get back to the place where she has always felt safe: home, even if it kills her. Now a little about me. My greatest accomplishment so far has been the attainment of my Bachelor's degree in Advertising & Marketing Communications. I fell in love with writing while studying at a university in London. During this time, I got a part-time job as an assistant librarian, and used my down time to read works of some of the most amazing story tellers of all time. Their stories led me to dabble in my own creativity. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to an opportunity to share the entire manuscript with you soon. Sincerely,
Best Answer

Best Answers: What do you think about this?Honest answers please?

Haylie Haylie | 5 days ago
All I have to say is that agents generally talk about the way they don't care much about accomplishments not connected to writing. Your biography paragraph can basically be edited down to one sentence, and that is okay. They don't really want to know how you fell in love with writing unless you become a client and you are trying to get to know each other.
👍 258 | 👎 5
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Haylie Originally Answered: Kids can be brutally honest. What's the most embarrassingly honest thing your kid has said in public?
3 things...lol 1- when he was about 3, we were in a public restroom and a woman in another stall passed gas....after a couple seconds of silence (*I* didn't even laugh, believe it or not) Roo piped up and said "That's pretty rude, she didn't even say 'scuse me." 2- when he was 4 yrs old we were riding in the car with my mother in law..she had her hands in her lap, talking to him and he suddenly asked her "why's your skin falling off your face and hands like that?" (you know how saggy and wrinkly some 70+ can be lol) Then, when she tried to explain about aging, he said, "Holy cow! I hope I don't have to live that long." 3- In 3rd grade, he had to write spelling words in sentences for homework...one paper sticks in my head, with the spelling word "children" "My mom had the doctor take her uterus out, this way she doesn't have to have more children." I was impressed with his punctuation and sentence structure...but my face was as red as the teacher's correcting pen, when I noted the big smiling face next to it with the words "oh my!"

Dorothy Dorothy
Wait...is her name "Mary" or "Nataja"? Is Nataja one of her friends? That paragraph completely confused me--I have no idea if "she" is referring to Nataja or Mary. And is she a soldier, a sex slave, or both? Unless your accomplishments have something to do with the story, leave them out. If you were actually a child soldier in Africa, that would have some bearing, but an assistant librarian in London? No. If you have publication credits, list them; otherwise, be succinct. The Query Shark has excellent examples of what to do and what not to do.
👍 110 | 👎 -1

Catharine Catharine
Personally I think the letter is too long. Editors receive hundreds of manuscripts and all they want to know is a short explanation of what the book is about. Most publishers will accept the story on disc in WORD format now. Make sure they have your name and address and enclose a stamped addressed envelope for reply or return as well. They do not have the time to read long letters so keep it as short as possible.
👍 106 | 👎 -7

Annabeth Annabeth
I genuinely think it sounds like a book i'd be interested in myself but maybe a prospective publisher would think it sounded kinda low-brow and trashy... You know how you kind of piled exciting controversial theme ontop of exciting controversial theme in the second paragraph. If you space it out a bit and put in some pretentious shiz in between then it might sound a bit more artsy. Oh and don't write 'EVIL' in capitals, it looks... well, not good anyway. Other than that, looks good :) hope you do get your book published
👍 102 | 👎 -13

Annabeth Originally Answered: Honest poem criticism please? HoNeSt?
very good! but alot to read lol. man there are alot of good poets on here you shoud publish it make a book get paid an your english teacher will love you hahaha

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