Originally Answered: How can an late 50s married man best find a local married woman for intimacy missing in life?
I think your predicament must be shared by a great many of us older men, and probably by near the majority of married women--to hear them tell it. Intimacy must be one of the hardest things there is to maintain in marriage; although what is written and trumpeted about it, intimacy is the only thing left as we age in marriage. But intimacy (physical conjoining) and companionship or closeness aren't the same thing. Finding someone else who will not upset the apple cart at home to supply that intimacy could be near impossible. Weighing the costs it must be considered highly risky.
I have a marriage that has not yielded true intimacy for at least three years, out of 17 years of marriage. I can't say that the first 14 years were extremely intimate ones, but a change took place three years ago after my wife had cancer surgery. After six months for her recuperation, she seemed not to have much desire, and I lost interest in trying to make intimacy special, as I had before, and I stopped providing the creative ways I had employed to be romantic or add excitement. I kind of gave up, as it became less and less satisfying for me.
I entertained finding a mistress, just as you are doing. I sought someone through the internet clubs, but found few women, most in their 40s and early 50s, interested in a man in his early 60s. Finally, I connected with an exciting woman in her late 40s who, as did I at the time, only wanted an erotic email exchange. It became quite intense and very erotic, as we both had a talent for writing sexually explicit material. But it was also an afffectionate exchange of email and special e-greeting cards, plus we sent graphics and photos of various kinds. I was actually falling in love with her, and I think she too was feeling something and maybe sensed that my desire to meet her was growing. We lived close enough so it wasn't impossible to meet. However, when she told me she was changing her ISP and buying a new computer, and that she would be in touch once she was online again, I never heard from her after that.
All I can say is, although my experience on-line with a cyber relationship did not end totally satisfactorily, it was a very enjoyable, heady and fulfilling thing, as close to intimacy as you can get virtually, and just about as close, and better, than I'd been having with my wife. So, you might think of this as a way to go without actually having a physcical affair with a woman who herself is married, which only complicates things while trying to not complicate them.
Some will still consider this to be infidelity. It is a matter of definition, possibly, or of intent. Yet, it if keeps you from being unfaithful in physical fact, I do not think of it as infidelity.