Topic: How to write a dialogue sentence example
July 20, 2019 / By Quinta Question:
First, the male character's name. He's the secondary main character. I'd like an OLDER name. Victorian/Biblical names work really well. His last name is Fields. At the moment he's going by Gideon.
My story: tell me what you think about it! Here's a little bit of it:
Where we were standing, I’d never been before. It seemed secluded, secret somehow. We stood in the center of a small circle, surrounded on all sides by these walls of evergreen, oak, and birch trees. Hidden in one tree-wall was a beautifully carved statue.
I walked over to it and read the bottom.
“Athena,” Gideon read for me. “The Greek Goddess of Wisdom. May she guide the people of Pilsen to make the right choices and take the right paths. 1976.”
“How did you memorize that? You’ve only just moved here!” I said in disbelief.
“That’s why I brought you here,” Gideon said quietly. “I’ve told you what I am. I can either change in front of you, or you can ask me all of the questions you feel are necessary. I like you. A lot, Emma. I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”
“How about both?” I asked. “But my questions first. Do you chase squirrels?”
“Squirrels? That’s your first question?” Gideon asked laughing.
“Well, yeah. I like you, too… but I’m not going to be in a relationship with a guy who chases squirrels.” I replied. I didn’t think it was so funny.
“No, but we do get distracted by quick movement. Let me just tell you a bit. We are messy eaters, but we clean up really well. We have excellent senses.”
“For example…?” I asked.
Gideon took a big whiff of the air, “You’re wearing cucumber melon body spray, and Degree deodorant.”
“Wow,” I said, surprised. “Go on.”
“Silver can kill us. We—I—love to jog. Sometimes after dinner we have to stop ourselves from licking the plates. We’re extremely good at reading facial expressions and body language.”
“That’s pretty cool,” I whispered. “Except for the silver stuff, that stinks.”
“No sterling silver jewelry for us!” Gideon said. “And we’re immortal…to a point, at least.”
“Do you have tails?” I asked.
“Ummm….” Gideon flushed deeply.
“Tell!” I exclaimed.
“Just a little…nub. Like an extended vertebrae, really.”
“And?” I prodded. “Does it wag?”
“Sort of.” Gideon muttered.
Melantha | 3 days ago
You are a master at getting the nuances in dialogue. Now, try expanding and give the reader a picture of the situation. Every writer wants a comfortable amount of dialogue and scenery.
Also, try not to use extraneous words. You can nix "only" or "just" from "'You only just moved here!'" ... and so on and so forth. The first two sentences are a bit uncomfortable. Can you try smoothing them out a bit?
I love the name Gideon. It's very masculine.
Overall, I enjoyed the plot. You're very talented. Please keep writing!
Originally Answered: How similar can to I make a fictional story character to an already made character without it being illegal?
As long as no one actually makes money off of your stories, than it's just fan fiction and there's nothing illegal about it.
As far as how similar the characters can be... that's up for a jury to decide. You have to ask yourself, how would a jury in a potential lawsuit respond to the question "Are these characters so indistinguishable, that the profiteering on the second character would either clearly benefit off the established reputation of the first character, of impede the ability to market that character?"
Even if the characters are obviously close, you can be protected by parody laws. But frankly, you really, really don't need to worry about anything. think of how similar characters like Superman are to the Sentry, Namor is to Aquaman, Green Arrow is to Hawkeye, Green Lantern is to Quasar. Use those as basis for how similar yours is.
You also don't need to worry because Nightcrawler isn't exactly a prime Marvel character. He's a supporting character in X-Men. They tried his own series, it got canceled very quickly. It will be a long, long time before they try again. He'll never have a solo movie. You're really pretty ok.
Fred. look, in case you pick to jot down a tale, write a tale. discern the call out later. that is spectacular what share human beings seem to think of that posting questions on the subject of the cyber web asserting they are writing a tale will magically get it written.
How about Gabriel?
The story is well written. I like the name Gideon. Why don't you keep it like that?
haha. i think its cute. i like it!
for the name maybe?
Noah or Isaiah or Gabriel.