Topic: How to write a good poem about myself
May 23, 2019 / By Cherise Question:
My friend wrote a poem and she wants me to critique it for her. I'm not really good with this sort of thing, so please help me and tell me how she could improve it.
She is a chameleon:
Blending in with her surroundings,
Not even a subtle clue of her existence.
A mere nobody.
she trudges through day after monotonous day;
A walking stick of TNT.
She hides behind bleary eyes
And empty "I'm fines."
Tries so hard to believe in that false rhyme about "sticks and stones."
But when night inevitably comes
And along with it, silence,
she releases muffled sobs into tear-stained pillows.
and when the pain is too much to bear,
She succumbs to her demons;
Takes out that little piece of metal she has to keep hidden,
And drags it across her skin.
Watches the crimson
drain from her wrist.
this is the end, the grand finale,
And she knows it.
Hopefully, by the time you finish reading this Suicide Note,
you'll realize that "she"
.....is actually me
Ashlie | 1 day ago
Wow. That's dark...I think it's really good. I'm sure she could improve it somehow, but I have no idea how. I think it's a fantastic poem.
Not sure the TNT line is needed, but? The piece speaks of a permanent solution to what might sometimes be a temporary issue, but especially in the young, depressed, bullied, made fun of, ignored, feeling overwhelming angst, it seems a way to an end.
She is bothered. Suicidal and plan to commit ...... slit her self with a bladed weapon she have concealed. Bothered by the demons its something bothering her mind. You are her friend. help her.