Would some one review this college essay? It is a response to UC Prompt #2?

Would some one review this college essay? It is a response to UC Prompt #2? Topic: Essay prompts for college students
May 23, 2019 / By Diane
Question: Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? I sat in a sticky vinyl chair, rubbing my clammy palms together hoping to dry them before I went in to see the school principal and had to take notes on our interview. I had just come from interviewing a security officer who had recently broken up a fight. Before that I was in the On Campus Intervention center to talk to the vice principal on the scene. I happened to witness the two boys launch themselves at each other as I was hurrying across campus to the library to prepare for my interview with the school principal about the recent increase in fighting at our school. I ran all over campus attempting to get the on the spot interviews in and still make my appointment with The Principal . I just barley had time to wipe my hands before a smiling Secretary motioned for me to go inside. I took a deep breath, gathered my pen and paper and marched inward. Throughout my childhood I was the archetypal shy, retiring child who spends her time indoors, conversing with her imaginary friend. I was uncomfortable in the company of others and therefore often disdained social interactions. I could typically could be found in the corner curled up with a book. That changed when I began high school and joined the school newspaper. I worked on the the North Fen Paper as a reporter, news editor and managing editor. Each epoch of my time on the NFP has exposed me to new and sometimes uncomfortable situations. As a reporter I often interview reluctant or intimidating people. Acting as a news editor, I constantly had to coach new writers and continued to interview difficult sources. When I work as the managing editor, I am in the position of motivating both reluctant editors and writers to do their work. The somewhat contrived immersion in the North Fen community that took place left me with a two pronged lesson. I was able to observe firsthand the difference that having all sides of the issue represented made in the quality of the article. I came to see that a diversity of sources was not something that was merely desirable or advantageous but absolutely required for a acceptable article. My horizons were expanded as a person and as a student. Suddenly, a word from my teacher or textbook alone was not enough. I take pains to find information from as many sources as possible. I was not only finally able to realize the importance of this diversity but I am also completely comfortable collecting it. My earlier hesitance at interacting with others in both an academic and social spheres as I frequently did just just that. I am so proud to be able to calmly walk into any situation with a deep breath and pen and paper and do what is needed. I mean archetypal in the sense that I was the epitome of a shy kid. The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that it can used to say something is a "perfect example." I'm looking for specific problems, nothing too vague. Tell why my essay lacks substance or seems disjointed. Thanks Thanks Thanks!
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Best Answers: Would some one review this college essay? It is a response to UC Prompt #2?

Caramia Caramia | 4 days ago
I really like the first paragraph, but 'the principal' and 'secretary' shouldn't be capitalized. You were not an 'archetypal child.' An archetype is a world wide symbol. What were you a symbol of??? The second and third paragraphs really don't connect to the first.
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We found more questions related to the topic: Essay prompts for college students

Caramia Originally Answered: College Essay Prompt? What to do?
This question will prompt you to write the same answer other schools want. (i.e., who are you, what do you believe, and what are your dreams/aspirations). Complete the assignment and you will be one step ahead of the game when it comes to The Common Application. Anyways, The Common Application prompts are merely suggestions. The vast majority of students typically choose "Essay of my choice".
Caramia Originally Answered: College Essay Prompt? What to do?
Do you think you'd be able to write a strong response to this prompt? If so, you could choose this as the Essay of Choice for the CommonApp. If not, you should ask your teacher if you can change the prompt to one on the CommonApp. Although if your teacher doesn't allow the change, you really don't have any choice.

Amice Amice
i think it has a nice sound to it, but really, it doesn't say anything. at the end of your essay, you want the reader to say, "we want this person at our school because..." because you're a talented writer, because you're obviously bright, because you're a wonderful person, because you're motivated... whatever the reason, but you want them to come away from it with the feeling that your essay was meaningful and said something.... i didn't walk away from it with anything.
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Amice Originally Answered: Need help understanding a college level essay prompt?
Isn't that the truth? I think what it means is that love can be deceptive because sometimes it hides hate--self-hate or hate of others or hate of the ones you supposedly love. Or people do these things out of love, but the acts in fact are hateful, not loving. I guess an example might be the relationship between Stella and Ms. Havisham in Great Expectations. Or battered spouses who stay with their batterer.
Amice Originally Answered: Need help understanding a college level essay prompt?
I need further clarification as to which part you are having trouble with. If it's the quote, it simply means that hate attacks most in disguise. If you are the victim of hatred, it may come disguised as something else, such as someone being brutally nice to you with obvious sarcasm due to hatred. It further states that of all the disguises hatred hides behind, love is the most dreadful. When someone who hates you goes so far as to pretend to love you while actually planning your downfall, it hurts more than any other form of hatred. You devote yourself to their love and begin to rely on it. Just when you can't live without it, it is ripped away. Dreadful. If they have done this with the intention of hurting you the entire time, they disguised their hatred with love. The commandments that follow Mr. March's quote are also relatively easy to decipher. Decide if this quote has any bearing in real life and in your reading (decide if you think it's the truth (if it's valid)). Then support your answer using examples from your reading, everyday observation, and past experiences in life. Good luck!

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