Topic: How to write a compelling story about yourself
July 18, 2019 / By Peronel Question:
"Do you think she's alive?" A man asks, poking my neck. "I don't know man, she's been lying here with her eyes shut for awhile now." Another man says. I pop up from the bed. Startled, the two men step back. "Woah! She ain't dead!" A man shouts. "It's called sleeping dumb asses, dear God." I groan, rolling my eyes. "Who are you?" One man asks. "I'm Suri, Carly's daughter." I say. "Whose Carly?" The man asks. "That chick who owns this house, the one you banged last night." The other man says. "Oh yeah, that slut." He says. I toss a pillow at him,"Go home!" The two men walk away. Why am I reacting so calmy to this? Because my mom pulls this stunt daily, throws a party gets sloppy drunk and ***** every guy there. Let me explain a few things, i'm Suri, and i'm your average 17 year old girl. Loves partying, and getting into trouble. I go downstairs only to see broken beer glasses scattered around, and my mother passed out on the couch, eating cereal in her sleep. I pull her car keys from her bra and hop into her piece of crap truck, and drive to my boyfriend Tyree's house. Tyree has been my best friend since I was 3 years old, he's 2 years older than me, and he's my everything. We're as close as can be. Once I get there, he's smoking a cigarette on his porch with his sister Ariella. Ariella is 25, both of their parents are dead from drug overdoses so she has custedy of Tyree. I snatch it from his hands, and take a puff. "Eh girl, how are you?" He asks, taking it back. "Gimmie that." I say, reaching for it as he holds it high in the air. "Haha your way too tiny." He mocks. "Shut up, i'm stressed give me it." I say, jumping up and down. He hands it over, "Whats up?" I sit on the porch, "It's Carly, she's ******* stressing me out. I know it ain't my problem I just wish..that she would stop." I say, taking a puff. "Damn, your mom still having problems? I thought she was in jail." Ariella says. "I bailed her out, I don't know why but I feel compelled to take her under my wing." I say. "Because you're a great person, with a great heart. I see why." Tyree says. "Well thank you, but I wish I could just not worry about her anymore. I know theirs no fixing her. And it just stresses me out." I say. "Well allow us to distract you, we're going out to the club tonight and it's gunna get crazy. I made you a fake ID sweetheart." Ariella says with a smirk. I toss my fist in the air "Wooh! I desperatly need to be drunk right now anyway." I say. "Baby maybe we should stay out of trouble for a little while I know how much jubvie depressed you lets just catch a movie." Tyree says. I shove him "What's gotten into you?" "Nothing I just got a bad feeling about this." He says. "Oh yeah? Well i've got a good one and clearly so does Ariella and she's the adult here so we'll go with her." I laugh. "Fine, but if we get caught i'll be the one saying I told you so." He says. "Whatever." I say, kissing him.
Does this seem like this could become interesting? Thanks
Marleen | 5 days ago
I am a published author, just a little advice here, don't take it personal. Maybe a little more story telling from you P.O.V., which means a lot less talking (conversations) and a lot more "You" telling the story. If you ever listen to professional authors, they don't talk as characters as much as they talk to You. Anyways, just my advice. Keep writing and learn from your mistakes!
Ps- Your chapter is far too short to ever be published. In my opinion, you should have a minimum of 4,000 words in a single chapter.
It seems gooooooooddd!!!!! I like it!!! It definitely could turn into something. Look into wattpad, its a site where you can post your books, and people give you feedback, and you get fans and some extra talented authors even get looked at by publishers!!!
Could you read the first chap of mine?
I LIKE IT!!!!!!!! I'm not the type of person to read these type of stories but I LOVE IT. Write more. It is going very good so far.
Originally Answered: This is the first half of chapter 1 in my book I'm writing. Can anyone read it and tell me how it is?
this is really good material so far! one thing u might want to try not to do is: he pened the door. he graabed his coat. he walked outside. it was cold. u kno? but urs is realy awesome!! u wanna hear mine?
his large brown doe eyes gazed into my golden flecked ones, and my eyes darted away and a goofy smile plastered my face. thousands of thought ran through my mind, how perfect he was for me, how special i felt with him, how my stomache flopped when he tossed his sun kissed hair.....oh no! im falling for him! but i cant! hes my best friends boyfriend.....but as i gazed into those chocolate does eyes again, i realized she overlooked the way he smiled as recalled memories ran through his mind, and the way he kissed her cheek so tenderly. she would always reply saying "thats it? no tongue action??" his reddened faced and slump shoulders shruugged. poor him. he doesnt deserve that. as i dreamed in my own mind, my firned tammy suddenly stormed up and smacked my cheek forcefully, searing the soft skin by my jaw. i whirled around, "what was that for??" "dont. even. go. there!!!! you did it!! i know it was you!! your not my friend anymore u brat!" tears stung my eyes, rivers flowed down my cheeks and i choked sobs. my heart was just torn out and stomped on by my best friend, and i didnt even do anything. everything blurred from the tears building up in my eyes, and i turned and ran home. when i was safley in my bed, i let the tears, the sobs, everything out until i felt better, but i soon felt numb inside.
i lay thoughtfully on my polka dotted comforter, thinking why i had just lost my best friend. what had i done? why was she mad? what if he maybe.............no, dont flatter yousef, i thought. i hadnt realized my swollen eyelids slowly flutter shut and i was deeply asleep till i heard my alarm taze my ears telling me to get up. another day of school, but my first one without tammy.....i didnt bother t eat breakfast, and i trudged down the stairs and out onto the dirty horrid yellow bus that was full of the latest chatter. i was so sleepy i didnt catch the news, and i blanky stared out the window. the day was a blurry rush until lunch, when he walked in, and i anxiously squirmed around in my seat. he made his way passed me, and i didnt mean to, but i looked up for a breif moment to see him...wink?? no, it must be an eye spasm! i went to my locker, the gray rickety door screeched open. it echoed through the empty hallways, but i hardly noticed. i felt so numb, and i could still feel tammy's hand slapping my cheek. just the thought made my eyes water.i sighed and stared into the half empty locker. i wished someone could save me from this emptiness....... just then, i heard scuffed up skater shoes nonchalently make their way to---my locker! i hid behind the door, and stared down at the tan skaters shoes that stopped right next to my rocket dogs. only *he* wore those. my body froze, as if someone was pouring cold icy water down my back. what do i do??? suddenly my math book slipped out of my sweaty hands and it hit the floor. realizing what a dork i was being, i dove to grab it, but found another pair of hands arond it. i daringly glanced up to find those gorgeous, gorgeous doe eyes peering shyly into mine. *he* was looking at me!!! his angelic voice almost sang to me"i dumped her for you. ur the best miracle ive ever met." "uh-i-u-ss--s-but-" suddenly his moist warm lips gently pressed against mine, and he gently reached up and placed his gentle hand on my cheek. my heart stopped and i was almost scared of fainting, then my body relaxed and feelings exploded ike fireworks! he pulled away, and we both smiled. no words spoken, he handed me book into my shaky and and then he grabbed my free hand. cloud 9?? more like cloud 9,000!!!!!!!!