She doesn't want a prenup?
Topic: How to write a romantic setting
June 17, 2019 / By Aimerey Question:
I've inherited a family business along with several personal assets from my late father. The business is strong and growing..My lawyer has advised me to make sure I have a prenup when I get married..
However my fiancee doesn't believe in prenups, says its setting up the marriage for failure...We've been arguing about this for months..She met me before I inherited anything, so obviously she's not concerned about money.. She's more of an idealistic/ romantic person..
She won't budge from her position and I don't know what to do.. I care about her, but she just can't see its a business matter and not anything personal. She thinks I'll eventually give in, but I can't.. I've told her I would rather remain as we are rather than get married without one, but for her its marriage or broke..
Is she going to change her mind of do I need to make an ultimatum soon?
Best Answers: She doesn't want a prenup?
Suzanne | 10 days ago
I would never make an ultimatum. If you won't budge and she won't budge, then you need to break it off. Although she is only entitled to half of anything acquired during the marriage (in many states), that includes what your business makes not the business itself since you were not married when you got the business but the money that it makes, she is entitled to half. So you both need to go to a marriage counselor and talk this over and see how to move forward from there.
Sam H, I love what you wrote, that really does sum it all up.
👍 208 | 👎 10
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Originally Answered: I need a legal help/advice on a prenup?
If you don't want that to happen, why are you marrying him? If you can't trust him, why even take the big step?
Personally I find that pre-nup is a statement of "I think I love you enough to marry you, but I don't really trust you. If you screw up, I'm divorcing and keeping my assets, you idiot!"
It comes down to trust. You love and turst him and you don't need a prenup. If you don't, you shouldn't marry him.
To get a prenup, go to a lawyer for starters.
Most people enter into marriage believing that it will last forever. The statistics are grim. The failure rate is over 50%.
I understand her point of view - it's one that I would've had when I was young. It's a matter of trust. I don't think that way anymore. Marriage has a much higher failure rate than it did in the old days.
This is what I've told my son and it's what I'm telling you: There are only 2 reasons to get married: 1. If you're having children 2. If you want to give away half of everything you own in case of divorce.
You need to seek out someone who works and is able to take care of herself. I don't think your girlfriend is a golddigger, but maybe it makes her feel more secure to know that you can't just decide to leave her without some financial suffering :)
By the way - it isn't just a business matter. It's personal. It does say to the other person: We're not partners. This is mine and what you have is yours. What she's saying is that she's all in. That's the level of trust that she wants. I understand it. But as a Mom, I don't trust it. And the reason is the statistics.
No need to make an ultimatum. Just don't get married. Then you're free to give her what you want to give her without HAVING to give it to her in a divorce.
Good luck. What an interesting question.
Edit: Marriage does not equal love. Marriage is a LEGAL CONTRACT and if you break that contract, there are legal consequences. Never doubt it.
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Personally I can understand both sides of the argument for and against prenups. I do think, however, that you should always protect yourself for every eventuality and I know, personally, that you cannot ever predict what is going to happen in the future to even the most secure of couples with apparently strong relationships. She will perhaps argue that you are being clinical and unromantic or ask you how you can be thinking of prenups when the most important thing is your love for one another but you really have to think about what is important to you and stick with that. Try giving yourself a worst case scenario. If you were to split up and she took half of everything or more depending on children would you be OK with it? Would you be able to accept it and move on or would you be kicking yourself for not getting a prenup? On the other hand, are you prepared to risk losing her over this issue?
Personally I cannot understand her reluctance to sign a prenup if she is not bothered about your assets. What difference will it make to her if she signs or not if she really does not care about the money? She must care a little about the money otherwise she would probably just sign it. If she is idealistic and romantic then what has she got to worry about? Her ideal man is going to marry her and she is going to live happily ever after.... or is she as idealistic as you think?
If she really loves you, then why would she throw away your relationship over money?
On the other hand, she could say the same to you and we're back to square one.
As I said, think about what is more important to you and think about whether or not you can cope with the worst case scenario. Then make a decision and stick to it.
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You are lucky to have found a woman that does not care about your inheritance and loved you before you had it.
However, someone, other than you, needs to explain to her that the financial part of the marriage is a business deal. Period. The living together, promises to honor and cherish is the romantic part. One has nothing to do with the other.
If she still refuses, you have to ask yourself if she would still marry you now had you not received the inheritance. When did this proposal take place? Does she have income of her own?
Love is great but d*mn...don't be fooled.
👍 62 | 👎 7
Your idealistic, romantic girlfriend may someday be "that *****" ... and an idealistic, romantic woman's spiteful girlfriends will be very convincing when they tell her to "take everything you got"
IMHO I think that i would be ok with it if my wife wanted to protect certain family assets from loss due to a divorce. I think its reasonable to expect that I am not entitled to a business (or wealth) that her father created. Seems to me that knowing i can have half her stuff, AND i don't have to give a rats *** what she says, makes divorcing her a better deal than staying married to her.
In your case, your new wife will be enjoying all the benefits of your wealth (nice house, cars etc) during your marriage.. Isn't that good enough? why should she enjoy the benefits of that wealth should the 2 of you split up?.. truly its your money, you should protect yourself
👍 53 | 👎 6
While I normally respect Allison's opinions on issues, I'm afraid I am going to disagree with her on this one.
Given your circumstances, I do not think a pre-nup is an unreasonable request. Whether she knew about your family's financial state or not, the fact of the matter is that you have assets to protect and many marriages end in divorce. While it may seem cold and calculated to do that, it is the reality of things.
Obviously, I have never met your fiancee, but if she is unwilling to compromise on this issue, what else in your marriage will she be unwilling to compromise upon?
NOTE: You may also want to talk to a lawyer and discuss the validity of pre-nups in your state. Even if you get her to sign one, you want to make sure it is legally binding in your state.
👍 44 | 👎 5
If you can't see past the prenup, you are already broken up. I can understand your reasoning, but love it love. You can't place money on love or any kind of relationship. She's been with you through everything and longer than the business obviously, and it's a tad shallow to chose money over love. I hope I don't upset you, but if she's not budging and you're not budging...you're already over.
👍 35 | 👎 4
Unless you have minor children to protect, I am against prenups 99% of the time.
She (in my opinion, rightfully) sees it as you securing your position for an easy exit if you want out. Why would you do that? That feeds insecurity.
ESPECIALLY since she was with you before you got the money. Don't remain as you are. Either marry her sans prenup, or say goodbye.
👍 26 | 👎 3
You need to give her an ultimatum soon. Let her know it's not personal is business and you are not willing to mess that up.
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Originally Answered: I wrote it but it doesn't seem to flow.most of my poetry doesn't rhyme and I've been experimenting. Opinions
The points you make in the poem are powerful, and powerfully made. I love the intensity you have here. The trick is to keep the intensity in a more controlled form. Poetry, even free verse (yes, I know this is not exactly free verse), is tightly controlled language, and can express powerfully through that control.
You noted the capitalization and punctuation, so I won't belabor that. A way to help with the flow is to begin by picking out lines that seem to either go on too long or lose the rhythm within the line. Count the number of syllables in each line, and see if there are lines that stick out in this regard. Look also to see if there are phrases you can tighten up, cutting words if you don't need them.
One line I would take as an example, in large part because it sticks out quite a bit for me. The line that begins "$4 cup of coffee" has 19 syllables, far more than any other line. It also seems to ramble within the line; you could shorten it, while retaining the near-rhyme with the next line, to simply "buy four dollar coffee, pay bills if we can." It says the same thing, but more tightly and more rhythmically.
I am not in the habit of re-writing others' poetry, and you may well find another, better way to re-write the line. The point is to focus in, line by line or even word by word, and fine tune it.