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Would any one like to read my story and help me out?

Would any one like to read my story and help me out? Topic: Notebook and pen writing on paper
July 18, 2019 / By Afton
Question: Would any one like to read my story and help me out? I just started it and I would like to know what you thiink of it and if I should keep writing. Gerard, Me and Mikey Prologue I finished getting ready for my first day of school in my new hometown. I just moved here a few days ago from New York and was really nervous since I was new and didn’t know anyone at all. I grabbed my backpack and ipod and headed out, school was just a few blocks away so I could just go walking. I thought about a lot of things as I walked there. But mainly about if I was gonna be able to make new friends. I really didn’t want to be alone. Though I really wouldn’t be surprised if that happened, cause I’m really weird, I mean compared to everyone else. I LOVE music. It’s my life and it means everything to me. I also have an obsession with all supernatural things. And I get made fun of because of that. I’m really shy and introverted, so it’s really hard for me to make friends easily, sometimes to make friends at all. But I’m sure I’ll make at least one. I have to be positive, which is really hard for me. I always think of the awful stuff not the good stuff. I hadn’t realize, but after talking to myself all this while, I was a few feet from the school’s doors. I cleared my mind, especially of all the bad thoughts, and walked in. The bell hadn’t rang since everyone was still in the halls, so I took out the piece of paper my mom had given me with my class schedule and my locker number and combination. First I went to my locker and some of my stuff there, and got what I needed for my first class: Math. Not my favorite, but I had no choice. As soon as I got the stuff I needed and locked my locker the bell rang. I panicked for no reason. Well for one very big reason actually: WHERE THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO?!? And then I remembered: the paper. So I took it out once again and looked at the instructions with a little map of the place. It took me a few minutes but I got there in time. I walked in and took a sit in the back. For some reason I don’t like it when people are behind me. It makes me really unconformable. After another minutes the classroom was full and the teacher had just walked in. “Good morning class, I’m Mr. Mathews and I’ll be your math teacher for the rest of the year” he said smiling. I had no idea how someone who be so happy to spend their rest of their life doing this: teaching math to teenagers. After we introduced ourselves quickly he wrote some exercises on the whiteboard for us to do. We had the option to do it in groups of two, but since I didn’t know anyone and no one had even been nice enough to talk to me or even say hi I decided to do this solo. I was in the middle of the second exercise when someone knocked on the door. The whole class stopped and stared to see who it was. It was a guy, a student obviously. He apologized to the teacher for being late and entered the class. He stood in the front of the room for a while looking around for a seat with a worried face. His eyes scanned the room for that one empty seat. Which he found next to me, he smiled relieved and started walking my way. I realized I must have looked like a complete fool staring at him all this time. So I looked down and try to keep doing the exercises. I heard him drop his messenger bag on the floor after taking out a notebook and a pen from it. Since I couldn’t see him, cause I didn’t want to freak him out staring, and the class was busy doing the work quietly, I could hear his breathing and smell his scent, a sweet scent. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but he smelled so good. Ok, so I need help continuing this? any ideas? by the way I want this to be a love triangle (main character (katie), mikey and gerard way (brothers)) Thanks for reading this =) yeah sorry i was kind of sleepy when I wrote thiss
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Best Answers: Would any one like to read my story and help me out?

Suellen Suellen | 6 days ago
Twilight: The Complete Illustrated Movie Companion *Meyer's trilogy seethes with the archetypal tumult of star-crossed passions, in which the supernatural element serves as a heady spice. *The legions of readers who are hooked on the romantic struggles of Bella and the vampire Edward will ecstatically devour this third installment http://www.amazon.com/Twilight-Complete-Illustrated-Movie-Companion/dp/0316043133/?tag=partptl-20 ......................... you can find good deals on ebay http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/711-53200-19255-0/1?ff3=4&pub=5574865779&toolid=10001&campid=5336440665&customid=partptl&mpre=http%3a%2f%2fbooks.shop.ebay.com%2fBooks-%2f267%2fi.html%3f_nkw%3dtwilight%2bfiction%2b%26_cqr%3dtrue%26_nkwusc%3dtwilight%2bfanfictions%26_rdc%3d1
👍 160 | 👎 6
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We found more questions related to the topic: Notebook and pen writing on paper


Suellen Originally Answered: Please read my short story and tell me what you think! if its to long just read half and tell me what you?
BLOCK OF TEXT BURNS MINE EYES!!!!!!!! jk, I actually read all of it, and it's good! I could totally see this as a plot for a scifi anime. But anyway, it leaves you with some questions like where in the world did this random orb of energy come from?!? But anyway(second time I said it, i know) The anime could be about a kid and his regular life after this being possessed by whatever that orb is. Like he has 2 personalities. Very good! If you can, please put the rest up if you write anymore!

Rachelle Rachelle
I think you should review this, you're skipping along way too much. A lot of your sentences could be split apart to make another sentence. You need to put more detail in it. For example, say what you did to get finished getting ready for school, say you zipped your bag up and slung it on your shoulder. Today is the first day of school and I determined to make some friends. Then say you look around the small apartment (that's what is in New York), describe the apartment a little, is there boxes, is it ratty, a dump, clean, bright? Example: I looked around the small apartment with brick walls and boxes everywhere. It's been tough moving in just a couple of days ago. I seriously need to be more organized this year too. Tell me something! You don't need to say you're new because you said you just moved in a couple of days ago, which I would change to a couple of weeks. No need to point out the obvious if you say it is the first day and you just moved in a couple of days/weeks ago. To sum it up, more details, more actions. Every paragraph should be AT LEAST 4 sentences, most people do more.
👍 60 | 👎 5

Melicent Melicent
I like this style of writing It is not as common. I really would not mind if when you were finished you sent me a copy.(I love to read) however I need to point out this grammar issue."First I went to my locker and some of my stuff there, and got what I needed for my first class:" you need something like "and picked up some stuff there..." or and got some stuff there" Other than that "You shall be a Writer." as the publishing ambassador says.
👍 55 | 👎 4

Leanora Leanora
I totally agree with Sock Monkey but would like to add that it didn't take me long to be 'really' tired of the word really. Maybe you could come up with a alternative word or three.
👍 50 | 👎 3

Johnnie Johnnie
Sorry...it's...a bit boring, I can't say it's the best, and i can't say it's the worst either. Wishing you peace, and prosperity- Taylor
👍 45 | 👎 2

Johnnie Originally Answered: Please read my story?
You should read my sob story too. a few years ago, before the recession hit [it took a while to actually it- but it was in the process], I was just getting settled into living with my great grandmother and ex meth addicted mom in southern California. I was JUST taken off the streets of Seattle (after being there for a number of months), and trying to get clean. I was about 13 going on 14. I had been separated from my mother from her drug use when i was about 11, and took off living with different family members. Not all of them were really good to me, but right before i turned 13 I moved in with my mothers ex-best friend who was a coke-head who basically got me any mind altering substance I wanted, however I spent most of my time with my heroin addicted boyfriend who was what you would call a "middle man" for the dope. He was at the time 19, and gave me free dope. After moving back to southern California, and after a near-death car accident with a bunch of tweakers I used to hang out with before I had moved up north, I was shortly put into rehab/therapeutic school after a short at-home detox. I never got too strung out so I didn't need methadone or anything else for that matter, plus i drank more than I actually smoked. ANYWAY, hard times were coming, but I had written a paper to get a scholarship to that rehab school. I was happy where I was, sober, good friends, sober mom. I went to that school for about a year[it was a daily outpatient rehab combined with school]. Then when the recession hit, my great grandpa died, my grandma went through a depression and sold her house we were living in with her. Although we all three developed a great relationship, we all had to move back up north to Seattle. I loathed Seattle once I got back, and it used to be the only thing I longed for when I was living in so-cal. After a few abusive relationships with older men, I finally met the love of my life who I've been dating for a year now. I've been sober off of heroin and other drugs [excluding alcohol- times got hard] for about 3/4 years now, and a straight A student, an employee at a vet clinic, an alternative model doing makeup for other models, and about to graduate and go to hair school. My mother has only been sober for a year and a half, but we're like best friends, and I wouldn't trade her or my boyfriend for the world.

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